


Now or Never

by annajustice



Series: Or Love [2]
Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic, F/M, Flash Forward, Flashbacks, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29646099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annajustice/pseuds/annajustice
Summary: It’s been 10 years since they were juniors and lot’s has changed, but other things have stayed exactly the same. (Sequel to Lost or Found)
Relationships: Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton, Kevin Atwater/Vanessa Rojas, Kim Burgess/Adam Ruzek
Series: Or Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178567
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	1. It's All Coming Back to Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: You can read this as a stand alone, but the ENTIRE PLOT of the first story is revealed in this chapter and you are going to be very confused bout all of the details. I would recommend reading lost or found first :)

“Are you serious?” Hailey asked, laughing. She carefully held her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she maneuvered around her kitchen, placing all the scattered dirty dishes in the sink. “He hid your birth control pills?” 

She could hear Kim’s laughter on the other end of the line. “ _Well, in theory_.” 

Hailey put her on speaker, setting her phone on the counter. “I’m so confused.” 

“ _It was just in a different drawer than where I normally keep it._ ” She explained, amusement clear in her voice. “ _I couldn’t find it last night, so I looked in Adam’s drawer and found it with a sticky note that said “don’t take me” on it._ _So, I of course run in the living room where he’s watching the game - side note: did you see how well Kev played last night?”_

“Yes! That was a hell of a game.” Hailey agreed, leaning against her counter.

“ _I know! Anyway,_ ” She said, getting herself back on track. “ _I hold it up for him to see and he plays dumb for a bit before finally saying he wants to start trying._ ” 

Hailey smiled, “Kim, that is so great.” 

“ _Really? You think so?_ ” She asked. 

“Yes, of course.” Hailey said.

“ _I think so too, things are stable at work for both of us and we are finally completely unpacked. I just feel like it’s time to take the next step._ ” She rushed out, obviously gushing. 

“I’m so happy for you guys.” 

Hailey was filled with joy for her friends. They deserved it. They did long distance all through college, Hailey and Kim staying in the city and attending the University of Chicago while Adam took a scholarship at the University of Kentucky. They got married the summer after graduation, not wanting to wait any longer, that day going down as one of the best days of all of their lives. It had been almost four years since then. 

Kim sighed, “ _I was going to tell you tonight, but I couldn’t wait any longer.”_ She said, the giggles starting again. 

“I get it,” Hailey said, “That’s so exciting.” 

“ _Yeah, it feels right. Well, I’ll see you at 7:00._ ” Kim said.

“Yeah, see you later.” 

She hung up the phone, slumping against the counter. She was happy for Kim, so happy, but it was bitter sweet. Hailey always thought they would be trying for kids at the same time, they had done everything else at the same time. By most people’s standards, Kim and Hailey had broken the system. They were best friends in high school, who had managed to stay best friends all the way through college and now, well into their adult lives. Not only that, but both of them had ended up with their high school sweethearts, well, almost.

Hailey felt her eyes well up as she made her way to her bedroom. She walked immediately to her dresser, grabbing the framed picture on the top and holding it in her hand. It was the last picture they had taken with all five of them in it (Plus Kevin’s wife Vanessa, they were dating then). Jay deployed for the third time later that month. 

He had dropped the bomb on Hailey the week after senior prom, they were all receiving their acceptances from colleges, all of them except for Jay. When he told her he was enlisting, she was angry at first, they had only been dating for about a year and a half and she was so mad that he was leaving her too, but after many late nights talking things through, she realized it was what he felt he needed to do. And how could she argue with that?

They made it work, he left for basic training right after graduation and he deployed for the first time right after Christmas. Hailey wasn’t surprised by his success, he exceeded at everything he did. He was gone two years, and it was terrible for Hailey, but she loved him and it was worth it if it meant he got to come home. 

Six months later, he left again, this time supporting Poland at the border against Russia. He wasn’t gone long that time, only 9 months, but when he got back he dropped a second bomb on his girlfriend. He wanted to be a ranger.

Hailey was supportive, of course she was, but she knew things would be different. Rangers weren’t like regular soldiers, they were trained killers: equipped to handle the worst of the worst, they were the big guns, and Jay wanted to be one. He went to the two month training, graduating at the top of his class and immediately earning a spot in a unit. Thankfully, he was home for the wedding, getting to stand next to his oldest friend while he said “I do.” But then he left again, this time for Afghanistan.

He assured Hailey that nothing would be different, they would still write letters, still facetime whenever they could, he said that nothing would change, but it did: that time, he never came home. 

Hailey threw the picture on her bed, standing and wiping the tears from her eyes. She thought it would get easier as time went on, but it hadn’t. Living without him was still hard, and everyday she had to remind herself like she existed in a world where he didn’t. 

She glanced at the star on her bedside table, sighing. After the childhood she had and the traumatic shit show that was her high school years, the force had sparked an interest. She majored in criminal justice and succeeded at the academy (which she applied for right after Jay left for the third time). She was happy: she had a good job, a trustworthy partner - Garrett Thompson - and she had amazing friends, whose lives were just slightly offset from her own. 

Things were getting better though, for a while it felt like she was drowning while everyone else was swimming faster. Adam and Kim were happily married, Kevin was drafted to the Bears and was engaged to an amazing woman that they all adored, and Hailey was alone. But now, she was excelling at work, she had attempted dating (that was a fail, but she tried and that’s what mattered) and she was _happy._

Jay wasn’t forgotten, she still loved him like he was still with her, but hearing his name didn’t cause her physical pain anymore. She was content with remembering the time that had gotten. She talked to his brother Will at least once a week, despite their busy schedules, they tried to see each other at least every few. They had grown closer when Jane passed, she was diagnosed with breast cancer not long after they finished their junior year, and she fought like hell until they graduated. She died a few weeks before Jay went to basic. 

Jane had become like a second mom to Hailey, and while her death didn’t devastate her the way it did her boyfriend, it was hard. Will transferred to the University of Chicago while he finished his undergraduate degree, spending lots of time with Hailey when Jay was gone. That never really changed. 

Hailey stood, needing to get out of her room, out of the memory lane she had unintentionally created. She decided to fold some laundry, grabbing the basket out of her designated room and bringing it to her living room. She settled in on the couch, setting it next to her and turning on her TV, not really watching it. It was some stupid program that played before the evening news, but she needed white noise, sometimes being alone was just _too_ quiet. 

**…**

Kim sat with her feet pulled up under her, staring blankly at the coffee table in front of her. Her position made her look small, and that’s exactly how she felt. Her day had been close to amazing, after she and her husband had decided that it was time to add to their family the night before, she walked around all day like she was floating on air. She was supposed to get dinner with her best friend, where they could just talk and catch up, but now she had to tell her something that she hoped she never had to. 

Ever since they were teenagers, Kim had thought that Hailey was dealt a shit hand, but the theory was only further proven after what happened to Jay. No one deserved the kind of pain that Hailey had been through in her 25 years, no matter how much happiness offset it. And now, the information Kim had was only going to make it worse. 

Adam got home right at 5:30, thankful that the stack of moving boxes that had plagued their entry way for weeks was finally gone. They had bought their first home together a few months back, and it was feeling more and more like theirs every day. He walked into the living room, taking in his wife who looked like someone had just punched her in the gut. “Kim?” He asked, “Darlin’ what’s wrong?” He sat next to her, placing his arm on the couch behind her. 

“I, um, I just got a call from Beth Sanders.” She said, Adam’s jaw dropped. He hadn’t heard that name in a long time. “She, um, she…”

Adam ran his hand through her brown hair, cupping her neck. “Beth Sanders? What’s going on Kim?” 

She leaned into him, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “She said Erin is up for parole.” 

“What?” Adam snapped, “How is that even possible?” 

“I don’t know.” Kim said, letting out an exasperated breath. She ran her hands over her face, groaning. Hearing Beth’s voice was like going back in time, she felt like she was 16 again. 

Erin’s trial had been one of the hardest periods of her life. It wasn’t as easy as everyone involved thought it was going to be. In the end, Erin had been charged with 5 counts of felony stalking, 4 counts of assault with a deadly weapon and 6 counts of attempted murder. The jury didn’t feel like she was mentally stable enough to charge with first degree murder, even though it was proven to be pre-mediated. 

She was sentenced to 25 years, and that didn’t start until she turned 18 because she was placed in a psychiatric facility at first to get help. They all thought that it was bullshit after everything she put them through. Thankfully, Kelly Severide had come out clean (physically, at least), it was clear to the jury that he thought his life and his families life were at stake. Emotionally though, they would all carry that weight with them for the rest of their lives. 

“What did she say?” Adam was trying to be supportive, but he was lost and Kim was the only one with the answers to his questions.

“She said that she appealed her case a few months ago and the charges were reduced, and with her behavior she is now up for parole.” She explained, exasperated. 

Adam stood up, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why did no one tell us that she appealed?”

“That’s what I said.” Kim said, throwing her hands in the air. “Apparently, since the state chose to press charges and not a private party, they had no obligation to notify anyone, and since they didn’t call back any witnesses…”

“They didn’t have to contact us.” Adam said, finishing for her. He sat back down, his hand resting on her bare knee. “Did she tell you what charges were dropped, did she give you any explanation?” He asked gently.

Kim let out a cynical laugh. “Yeah, actually. Apparently they do have to tell us that.” She reached out and picked up the notebook on the coffee table, turning to the page where she wrote everything down. She sighed, looking at her husband. “It’s a lot…”

“Dicks…” He mumbled.

“Yeah.” Kim agreed. “Uh, they dropped 2 charges of felony stalking, 2 counts of assault with a deadly weapon - apparently a baseball bat isn’t deadly - and 3 counts of attempted murder.” 

Adam scoffed, “Are you serious? 3 of the murder charges?” 

Kim nodded, “Beth said that based on the evidence and testimonies that the intent behind your shooting wasn’t death, and that the only person really at risk in the basement was Hailey.” 

“That is complete bullshit.” Adam yelled, standing again, beginning to pace.

“I know babe,” Kim said quietly, “It all is. I just don’t understand how they managed to pull so many strings…” 

Adam turned to face her, “Do you think Hank had something to do with it?” 

Kim shrugged, shaking her head. “I honestly don’t know, do you think he has connections that high up? It’s a little out there…” 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” Adam said, resting his hands on his hips. “Is there anything we can do to stop this?” 

Kim nodded, pulling a pillow over her lap. “We can speak out against it at her hearing, after that it’s in the judge’s hands.”

“Okay, perfect.” He said, sitting down in front of her, cupping her cheek with his hand. “We’ll get Kev and Severide, and we’ll get Hailey, Greg even, we’ll figure it out.” Kim smiled weakly, wiping a tear from her eye. “Kim, it’s gonna be okay.” 

She shook her head, more tears falling. Adam pulled her into his chest, holding her tightly. “Adam,” She gasped, peering up at him. “I don’t want to bring a child into a world where she’s free.” 

Adam’s face fell, he pulled her closer to him, rocking them gently. “Then we’ll make sure she’s not. She isn’t going to hurt us, not again.” 

**…**

Several hours later, Hailey stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom, smoothing out her top. It wasn’t often that she got a night to herself, and she wasn’t ready to spend it with her best friend. She slipped on her shoes, cursing under her breath when she read the time on her phone.

Hailey was about to walk out the door - she was already late for dinner with Kim - when she realized she had left her TV on. Any other day she would have just left it, but something in her was telling her to find the remote. 

She made her way back to her living room, moving couch cushions and pillows trying to find the tiny black device that always seemed to be lost. Finally, she found it under the couch, she stood, smiling in victory. She pointed it at the screen, but chose not to click the button when she read the headline showing on the news. 

Hailey read it over and over again, watching as faces flashed across the screen. Her hands shook as she fumbled in her pocket for her phone, she clicked on the contact she was looking for, hitting the call button immediately. “Come on Will, pick up.” She mumbled after the third ring. 

“ _Hello?_ ” 

“Will.” Hailey said desperately, feeling tears well up in her eyes. “Will, please tell me you are watching what I’m watching.” She thought she was dreaming, there was no way this could be real. 

“ _I am_.” He replied, she could tell that he was just as wrecked as she was. 

Hailey sighed, “So it’s real?” She asked, a tear falling down her face. 

“ _Yeah Hailey it’s real._ ” 

A smile broke out on her face, happy tears escaping. She took a deep breath. “I’m coming over.” She said, before hanging up the phone. She grabbed her keys, turning the TV off and racing out her front door. 

All these years, she felt like she was stuck, she could never bring herself to move on. No matter how stupid it was, there was a little voice in the back of her mind that maybe - _just maybe_ \- there was hope. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but she did. She had never given up on him, and she was right: He was alive, he had to be. 


	2. Hold Me While You Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been 10 years since they were juniors and lot’s has changed, but other things have stayed exactly the same. (Sequel to Lost or Found)

_ Hailey climbed the stairs to Will’s apartment, two letters in hand. Jay always sent them together. She glanced down at them, his messy handwriting making her smile. They were backdated by several weeks, but that was normal. The Army wasn’t exactly known for its efficient postal service.  _

_ He had been gone a few months, and it had been surprisingly manageable. They weren’t able to talk as often as before, he was much busier than on his earlier deployments, but that was okay. They were making it work.  _

_ She reached his door, knocking lightly. She heard shuffling behind it, then it swung open, revealing a disheveled Will. He sniffled, Hailey’s face falling at the sight of him. He wiped his hand across his eyes, “Uh, I was just about to call you.” He glanced down at the letters in her hand, grimacing.  _

_ Hailey followed his gaze, then looked up at him again, noticing his pained expression and the obvious tear marks on his freckles cheeks. “No.” Hailey said, taking a step back. “No, Will, no.” (This wasn’t real, this wasn’t happening.) She shook her head as her body began to shake, she choked out a sob, tears falling uncontrollably.  _

_ Will felt his eyes well up again, “Hailey-” _

_ He said her name and she watched her entire life flash in front of her eyes: all her plans were gone, everything she had dreamed of, everything  _ they _ had dreamed of. “No!” She screamed, her hand clutching her chest. She felt like the life had just been sucked out of her. Hailey stumbled and Will jumped from the doorway, catching her before she hit the ground. She wished the floor would just swallow her up. “No…” She cried, clutching on to him tightly. (This wasn’t real, it wasn’t happening.) _

_ They cried together, sitting wrapped around each other in the hallway outside his apartment. They had to have sat there for hours, waiting for Hailey to feel like she had the strength to stand again. She wasn’t sure she would ever regain that strength though, not without him.  _

Hailey raced up the stairs to Will’s apartment, the words  _ missing in action  _ running through her head again and again. That was what he was labeled as, something she learned after she’d pushed herself off the floor and into Will’s apartment. Will said that he was told that Jay’s unit had hit an IED, it killed 5 of them, but the remaining seven were assumed to be taken as prisoners of war.

That was the scary part, they didn’t really know. There was no ransom, and no one took ownership of the explosion, they had no idea what happened to them. They just vanished. 

She pushed open the unlocked door, finding Will in the same position she had been in not 20 minutes earlier. He was sitting on his couch, eyes glued on the screen, leaning on his knees. “What did I miss?” She asked, dropping her keys on the counter and sitting down next to him. She had texted Kim as she ran to her car, just shortly saying that something came up. 

Will shrugged, “Nothing really, they just changed stories.”

Hailey nodded, pulling her knees to her chest. Will placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She smiled weekly, leaning back against the couch. When she saw the words  _ Recovered Soldiers  _ flash across the screen, she immediately took notice, but that wasn’t what caused her reaction. Twelve military portraits showed on the screen, Jay’s being one of them. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “So, what do we do now?” 

Will nodded to his phone that was sitting face up on the coffee table. “We wait.” 

It was just a word, but it was one that Hailey had grown to hate. She had been waiting for the past 4 years. At first, it was interchangeable with “hope,” she  _ waited _ and  _ hoped  _ that one day he would just walk through the door or that he would call and apologize for scaring her. But, as time went on, that hope faded and was replaced by dread. She  _ waited _ and  _ dreaded _ the day that she would finally watch Will walk through the door with the same somber expression that he had worn that day or that she would finally get the phone call where someone would apologize for her loss.

As terrible as it was, at least the other families knew that their son or husband was gone for good.

She held on for as long as she could, but she was consumed with maybes and empty possibilities that were probably never going to come happen. Eventually, she just accepted that he was gone, and that he wasn’t coming back. As morbid or cynical as it sounds: she had no proof that he was dead, but she had no proof that he was alive either. 

Today, seeing his face on that screen, it awakened the part of her that was capable of hope. She couldn’t shake the feeling in the pit of her stomach, her gut saying that it was okay. That it was okay to let herself hope and pray and wish that he was alive: that there was still a chance for them. It was probably the biggest leap of faith she had ever taken, but she just  _ knew. _ She just knew that he was coming home to her. 

She stared down the phone in front of her, pulling nervously at her fingers. “What if they don’t call?” 

“They’ll call Hailey.” Will said, reassuringly. He glanced up at her, taking a deep breath. “Either way they’ll call.” Maybe he had meant it to be comforting, but it wasn’t. As much as she liked to think she was, she wasn’t prepared to be wrong. 

Hailey nodded, retreating back to silence. She kept her gaze fixed on the phone (to be honest, it felt familiar). “Will.” She said, getting his attention. “Should we tell the others?”

Will let out a breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, I think we should.” He grabbed his phone off the table. “I’ll call Adam.” 

“I’ll call Kev.” 

**…**

Adam sat on his couch, his arm wrapped around Kim who was leaning against him. If it wasn’t for her quiet laughter, she was so still he would have thought she was asleep. After Hailey texted Kim, they decided to have a movie night, they both needed a few hours to themselves.

He subconsciously held her tighter, doing his best to focus on the RomCom they were watching, but he was distracted. The news about Erin had shocked him. They were all grown up now, and for the most part they had all moved on from what happened, they didn’t really even talk about it, but that didn’t mean they forgot. 

Not only had Erin tortured him enough for a lifetime, she had also ruined any chance he had at being a professional athlete. He was lucky that he got most of his range of motion back.

That was something that no one really understood. When the trial started, the five of them were the gossip of the down, and everyone had their own opinion. Most of them agreed though: saying that it couldn’t have been that horrible, they were only teenagers, there was no way that Erin was capable of what she did, it was just normal teenage bullying. It only got worse as their case unraveled, losing the murder charge was a big step in the wrong direction. 

His phone buzzed, pulling him out of his trance. Kim peered up at him, groggily. “Who is it?” She asked, sitting up. 

“Will.” Adam said, his eyebrows laced together. 

“Halstead?” Kim asked. It was strange, Will was good friends with all of them, but not call-you-randomly-at-eight-on-a-thursday-night kind of friends.

Adam nodded, picking up the phone. “Hello?” 

“ _ Hey, Adam. _ ” Will said, sounding a little nervous.

“Hey man, what’s up?” He asked.

Will cleared his throat, “ _ Is Kim there? _ ” 

Adam looked at his wife, who shared his confused expression. “Yeah, I’ll put you on speaker…” He said cautiously. 

“ _ Great. _ ” Will said, his voice now sounding through the bottom and echoing through the room. “ _ Are you guys sitting down? _ ” 

“Will what’s going on? You’re making me nervous…” Kim said, making herself present in the conversation. 

Will took a deep breath, “ _ I think you guys should come over. It’s about Jay-” _

Adam sat forward in his seat, “What about him? Did you hear…” 

“ _ No _ ,” Will said quickly, he knew exactly where Adam’s went, he had done it several times before. “ _ His unit was recovered, we haven’t heard anything, we’re still waiting on the call. _ ” 

“He’s alive?” Kim asked, obviously in shock. No wonder Hailey canceled dinner.

“ _ We don’t know _ ,” Will replied honestly, “ _ Hailey’s here and...and I think it would be nice if you guys could come wait with us. She’s on the phone with Kevin right now _ .” 

Adam nodded, “Yeah, of course. We’re on our way.” 

They bid a quick goodbye before Will hung up the phone. The couple just sat there for a second. Kim let out a breath, standing slowly, while Adam ran his hands over his face. “Wow.” Kim said, slowly pacing across the room. “Do you think he’s actually…?” 

“God, I hope so.” Adam said. He missed his best friend and he wanted him back. 

Kim grabbed Adam’s hand, pulling him up and wrapping her arms tightly around him. Adam buried his head in the crook of her neck, breathing deeply. They were both trying to stay calm, not getting their hopes up, they were sure Hailey was doing enough of that for the both of them. 

“Adam.” Kim said gently, pulling away, but not too far. “We can’t tell anyone about Erin, not right now.” 

Adam sighed, pulling her back to him again. “Yeah…” He felt like he could pass out if he was being honest, it had been a whirlwind of a day. This morning he was thinking about finally being a dad, and now, he wasn’t sure if that was something he could do. Everytime life was looking up, fate dropped another bomb on them all. “Come on, we should go.” 

He interlaced their fingers, grabbing his phone and keys and pulled them out the front door. They were sure to be in for a long night.

**…**

Vanessa moved gracefully around the (very) elaborate kitchen, placing the dirty dishes leftover from dinner in the sink. She slipped off her engagement ring, smiling at it, before placing it carefully on the shelf above her, the last thing she needed was to lose it to the garbage disposal. 

“Can I help with anything?” Vinessa asked, appearing beside her. 

She nodded to the table, “If you could wipe the table down, that would be great.” The younger girl nodded, grabbing a sponge from in front of her. “Thanks sweetie.” 

They worked in comfortable silence, something that had become normal. She and Kevin met at the grocery store, and she (surprisingly) didn’t have any idea who he was. He was just some random guy that asked for her number. She learned on their first date that he was one of the stars of Ohio State’s football team, not that it mattered to her, she went to Marietta College. They clocked immediately, dating all the way through his senior year (which was her sophomore year), she attended his best friend's wedding that summer and adored all of them as soon as they met. She was the sixth that Kevin was always looking for. 

When she met Kevin, it was the first time she truly felt like she was a part of something, and that only grew in her relationships with his friends. He had opened up pretty quickly about the events of his childhood, prompting her to do the same. She had grown up in foster care, she never had a place to land. That’s why she decided to become a social worker, to help kids like her.

And that’s why, when Kevin said he wanted to take in his siblings (his mother fell off the wagon again), it was a no brainer. It had been about a year now, and they were one big, happy family. If you had told her when she was younger that she would be 24, engaged to the love of her life and taking care of a 13 year old and a 15 year old, she would have laughed in your face. But she couldn’t imagine living any other way. 

There was a buzzing sound and Vanessa glanced over, “Hey V.” She said (that’s what they called the younger one most of the time, it got a little confusing). “Can you take your brother his phone?” She asked, she knew he was busy helping Jordan with his AP Language essay. 

“I’m right here,” Kevin said just as little Vinessa picked up the phone. 

She handed it to him across the counter, “It’s Aunt Hailey.” 

“Thanks,” He nodded, answering it. “Hey Hailes,” He said. Vanessa turned to watch him as his sister continued to scrub the dirty table (spaghetti night). “What?” Her eyebrows cinched together as she saw Kevin’s face go blank, he fell back onto a barstool. “Yeah, yeah, of course.” He said, and Vanessa gently placed the dish she was washing in the sink, moving to lean against the counter next to him. “I’ll see you in a bit.” 

He hung up the phone, staring at it for a second. “What’s wrong babe?” Vanessa asked.

“Uh, we need to go to Will’s.” He said, clearly still in shock from whatever he was just told. 

“Is it about Uncle Jay?” Vinessa asked from across the room, causing both of their heads to turn sharply in her direction. They had forgotten she was there. Tears welled up in her eyes, “Is he dead?” 

Kevin stood, going into protective father mode. “No, he’s not.” He hugged her tightly, pushing her face into his chest. He caught his fiance’s gaze, she mouthed “he’s alive?” Kevin shrugged and she nodded, busying herself by gathering their things. Kevin pulled away and sat down in front of Vinessa. “Aunt Hailey needs us right now, we don’t really know what’s going on.” He said honestly, “One of us will be back before you guys go to bed, okay?” 

Vinessa nodded, hugging her brother again. This time quicker, and meant to comfort him instead. “I hope he’s okay.” 

Kevin stood once she pulled away, squeezing her shoulder. “Me too.” And he really did. 

**…**

Thirty minutes later, all six of them sat in Will’s living room. Vanessa and Kim were talking quietly, catching up, while Adam stared blankly at the ground, his hand never leaving Kim’s thigh. Will and Kevin were sharing the same expression, sipping their beers slowly. Hailey had not moved since they got there: she just sat against the corner of the couch, gaze fixed on the phone on the coffee table. 

They left the TV on, hoping it would circle back to update the story that started this all. It hadn’t so far. To everyone else in the room, Hailey looked like an empty shell, but really, she was so lost in thought that she didn’t know where reality ended and her mind began. 

A few hours later, everyone had fallen asleep with their respective partners, all of them but Hailey. She was still wide awake, still thinking, she couldn’t get her mind to quiet down. Every smile, every hug, every kiss, every “I love you,” were all running through her head. It was like years and years of suppressed pain and longing had been drudged up in just a few hours. 

She thought back to that day, the day everything changed. She cried on Will’s couch for hours, but she got there somehow. She had dropped her things somewhere, she had been carrying something...the letters. Hailey immediately lept into action, pulling open the drawer of the coffee table and rummaging through it: nothing. She headed for the kitchen, pulling up every drawer and cabinet: nothing. 

She searched for at least an hour, she went through the drawers in Will’s desk and ventured into his bedroom, (respectfully) looking in the obvious places. She should have known it was a doomed search, they were hiding in 4 years worth of clutter. The entry table by the door caught her, she hadn’t looked there, she pulled the top drawer open and sure enough, the unopened letters were sitting in the bottom. 

Her eyes welled up as she read over her name, you could barely make out the address because of his chicken scratch. She had forgotten about the letters, in the beginning she couldn't bring herself to open it. It could be the last thing she had of him, and she wasn’t ready, and by the time she was, they were buried in a drawer somewhere. 

She sat down at Will’s small kitchen table, her shaky hands pulling the seal open. Inside was a familiar kind of paper, it was from a journal she had given him before he left. There were random notes that she had written him hidden inside, she found herself wondering if he got the chance to read them all. 

Hailey flipped the paper over, unfolding it to find a full page of writing. A tear slipped out of her eye as she began to read.

**_Dear Hailey Anne,_ **

**_I miss you. I know that I say that everytime, but it doesn’t matter how many times I say it. It won’t do it justice. I know for sure that you are killing it at the academy, and it breaks my heart that I won’t be there for your graduation (and that I won’t be able to see how hot you look in that uniform). I hope you’re doing okay, I know this isn’t exactly how you pictured our life together, but I promise you that I will do my best to make it worth it._ **

**_They need us here Hailes, I don’t want to scare you but, it’s a dangerous place and there are many civilians that don’t deserve to be in the middle of all this. They need our protection. And before you worry that I’m miserable without you (and I am, don’t get me wrong), the guys in my unit are great. We all get along really well. There’s this one guy named Chris, we’re pretty close, but part of me thinks it’s just so that he can sneak glances at my pictures of you. (I definitely have the prettiest person to come home to, he just has a doberman.)_ **

**_I don’t want to get your hopes up, but there’s a chance I’ll be able to come home for Christmas! They are planning to ship back some of our gear to replace it near the holidays, and they need a few of us to go for coverage control, we wouldn’t ship back until January. I’ve already been in my sergeants ear about it, he might put me on just to get away from me for a while._ **

**_In the bottom of the envelope, there is a name tag. Mine fell off my uniform a few days ago, I’ve got a new one, but I thought you would want this one. Something to remember me by, you could put in your pocket during your graduation, it’d be like I was there with you._ **

**_Just cause I’m curious, how are the newlyweds doing? Has Kevin proposed to Vanessa yet? Is Will STILL single? (And yes, PLEASE tell him I asked). How is the apartment search coming? Cause I will be upset if there isn’t a place we can call ours when I get back. Wouldn’t it be nice to spend Christmas in our own apartment?_ **

**_I love you Hailey, and I want to thank you for being so supportive. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and I cannot wait to come home to you._ **

**_Yours till the end,_ **

**_Jay_ **

Hailey flipped the envelope upside down, catching the name tag as it fell out. She held it in her trembling hands, it read “Major Jay Halstead” and was a light tan color with black letters. She convulsed, pulling the tag to her chest and heaving. She cried silently, maybe it wasn’t smart to open the letter. Now she was reminded of everything they wanted, everything  _ he _ wanted. Now she had to grieve the loss of their life together, alone. 

A piercing ring echoed throughout the room. Hailey grimaced at the loud noise. They had turned the ringer all the way up in case they fell asleep. Hailey ran into the living room just in time to watch everyone else wake up. 

Will rubbed his eyes before registering where he was. He sat up immediately, picking up the phone. “Hello?” He said. “This is he.” His expression was unreadable, while his chest rose and fell rapidly. The short call felt like an eternity for everyone around them, Kim and Adam clutching each other tightly while Vanessa rubbed Kevin’s back. Hailey stood alone in the doorway, holding her breath. “I understand, thank you.” He paused. “You too, and thank you again.” 

He let out a breath, letting his hand drop from his ear. He buried his head in his hands, his soft cries filling the room. Hailey took a step forward, feeling like she could explode. “Will,” She snapped, “What did they say?” She asked desperately.

Will looked up at her, choking out a muffled cry. A smile graced his face as he laughed lightly. “He’s alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY YOU ALL DON’T HATE ME ANYMORE! This chapter really got away from me, but I couldn’t resist, it gave me all the feels. I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading <3


	3. Think of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been 10 years since they were juniors and lot’s has changed, but other things have stayed exactly the same. (Sequel to Lost or Found)
> 
> …

“ _ He’s alive _ .”

Will’s grin was infectious and Kim squealed, jumping into Adam’s open arms. He hugged her tightly, both of them feeling like they could breathe again. Kevin laughed, jumping up and slapping Will’s back before planting a fat one on his fiance. They were all too wrapped up to even notice that Hailey hadn’t moved an inch.

She stood there, in the doorway, looking at the phone that was still hanging loosely in Will’s hand. She had spent the whole day so sure that she was right, but in this moment she didn’t trust herself. Part of her thought that in a few short seconds her alarm clock was going to go off, and she was going to wake up from a dream that she had had so many times before. 

“Say it again,” She said quietly, and under the laughter and celebration happening around her, it was a miracle anyone heard. 

Will turned to face her, his eyebrows furrowed. “What?” 

Hailey took a step forward, “I need you to say it again.” She wasn’t sure if it was the shock of it all or her disbelief in the universe cutting her a break, but she wasn’t sure she believed what he said.

Will crossed the room, standing in front of her and grabbing her shoulders, almost like he knew that she needed to be reminded that this was real. “Hailey, he’s alive.” 

She searched his eyes, finding nothing but genuine happiness, her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard. And there, at 3:00 in the morning on a random Friday, it clicked. And she swore she could feel the gaping hole in her heart filling.

A smile broke out on her face and launched herself into his arms, laughing. She held on tightly as Will’s arms wrapped around her waist, sharing the moment of joy with her. Eventually she pulled away, catching her breath. “How? What did they say? Sorry, my head's kind of all over the place…” 

“They didn’t say much, just that he was alive and well, he’s at a military hospital in Germany.” Will explained, turning to face the whole room. “They are going to call me again soon with more information, but…” He turned to Hailey again, smiling. “They are shipping them back next week.” 

Hailey’s hand flew over her mouth as tears began to pour down her face - happy tears - the kind of tears she hadn’t cried in over four years. “Next week? Holy shit.” She exclaimed, fits of laughter following. 

Kim flew across the room, wrapping her arms around her best friend. “He’s coming home Hailey.”

She was on a high like never before, all the sudden there was a light at the end of the very dark tunnel that had been the past several years, and it was right in front of her. In a week  _ he _ was going to be standing right in front of her. She pulled away, a smile still plastered across her face (she wasn’t sure it would ever leave her). She gripped Kim’s arms, nodding as more tears fell. “He’s coming home.” 

**…**

A few short hours later, Hailey thudded down the front steps of the 21st district, a smile (still) on her face. She didn’t sleep at all the night before, none of them did, they were all too wired, but she was way too happy to be tired. Her partner eyed her cautiously when she handed him the keys to their car, they had been riding together for over a year, and she had never (willingly) let him drive. Plus, it was way too early in the morning to be so happy.

“Did someone put serotonin in your cheerios this morning?” Garrett asked, as they settled in. 

Hailey rolled her eyes, “Nothing you say or do today could spoil my mood Thompson, so just keep them coming.” The look in her bright blue eyes was something he had never seen before, and he had to admit, he liked it.

“Care to share?” He asked, eyebrows raised. 

Hailey bit her lip in an attempt to hide her smile as she thought back to the night before. She glanced over at her partner, shrugging. “Nothing, just a really good night.” 

Garrett nodded, “Oh, I see.” Hailey caught on to his suggestive glance, but ignored it. He could think whatever he wanted to. He pulled out of the parking lot, taking a right to head to their beat. “So, I’m thinking about pulling OT for the festival next weekend, you in?”

Hailey shook her head, “Sorry I can’t this time.” 

“Wow, Hailey Upton passing up a chance for overtime. Who are you and what happened to my partner?” She laughed as he continued, “Seriously I’m hurt, are you already tired of me? Should I be looking for a new partner?” Garrett was doing his best to mask his genuine concern with humor, but it was like the Hailey he knew was nowhere to be found. And as much as liked her chipper - not work obsessed - alter ego, it was a little strange. 

“Well, you can try out a few while I’m gone. I’m taking the next few weeks off, you know I’ve got a hell of a lot of furlough saved up.” She said, joking it off.

Garrett looked at her in disbelief, “Now you have to tell me what’s going on.” 

Hailey watched him for a second. They had been partners for a while, and he was definitely the best one she had ever had, they were good friends. Why would she not share this with him. “Jay’s alive.” 

“What?” Garret asked in shock. He knew all about Jay, it had taken Hailey a long time to open up about what happened to him, but she always spoke of him like he was dead. It never occurred to him that he might come back into the picture.

“His brother got a call last night, his unit was recovered, he’s alive and he’s shipping home next week.” She explained, her smile reappearing.

“Wow, Hailey, that’s…” Garrett took a second to take her in, he took note of how bright her eyes looked and big her grin was, she honestly looked like she was glowing. He let out a quick breath, pushing down the dread in his chest. “...that’s so great, I’m happy for you.” He said genuinely. And he was, he wanted her to be happy. There was no point in dwelling: the love of her life was coming back to her, he didn’t stand a chance. 

**…**

Will pushed up the garage door of the storage unit he rented, taking in the few stacks of boxes and then the most important item: Jay’s truck. It wasn’t the same one that he drove in high school, but it was one that he got after his first deployment, almost as a celebration. About a year after he went missing, he and Hailey decided to move his things to storage, neither of them to afford to pay rent on his apartment anymore and they needed to take the step. 

Wherever Will missed him an unbearable amount, he would drive it around the city. Sometimes he would sit in the parking lot of United Center and look through photos. It was a running joke with all of them that Jay loved his truck as much as he loved Hailey, and it made Will feel close to him when he drove it. 

Today was different though, it had been several months since he cranked it, and he knew that Jay would have a fit if they broke his baby. It was strange to say the least, he pulled out of the parking lot, glancing at the passenger seat. Every time before he would wish that Jay was sitting next to him, yelling at him to be careful or stomping on the floor like he had control over the break, but he didn’t have to wish anymore. Soon, he would be there next to him.

He got another call on his lunch break that day, explaining the situation to him in more detail. They had discovered a shelter structure outside of the city being held that they knew was housing combattants, so they sent a spy in to make sure that it was exactly what they thought before they raided. When the spy infiltrated, he found 4 of the 7 remaining soldiers from their unit, one of them being Jay. 

That was two weeks ago, from then to now, they extracted the four of them and they were immediately shipped to the military hospital in Germany. They were all surprisingly in shape and it seemed to the doctors like they were treated as a training exercise. None of them were particularly healthy, but they weren’t in grave danger either. 

The last thing they said was that if all went according to plan, they would land at a private military airport on Tuesday at 17:00. That was four days away, he was getting to see his brother in 4 days. Part of him wanted to scold himself for being so optimistic, but the thought of the rug being pulled out from under him wasn’t enough right now. Jay was coming home - and thankfully - his truck was running as good as ever.

**…**

The next morning, Hailey and Kim walked into target with money on their minds. Her furlough started that morning, after talking to Will the night before, she decided that she needed the time over the next few days to get things ready. Hailey grabbed a buggy, catching up to him who kept walking. She pulled out her phone, looking at the list that she had added to over the past 24 hours. 

Kim turned, looking over her friend's shoulder. Her jaw dropped as she took Hailey’s phone out of her hand, “Holy shit Hailes, how much overtime have you been working?” She asked, scrolling through the list.

Hailey just shrugged, taking a sharp turn and heading down an isle. “I need some things…”

“New comforter, sheets to match new comforter, 2 pillows, a shower curtain, towels - Hailey, I’ve stayed at your place before, you have enough towels.” Kim said, grabbing her arm. 

“Yeah, enough towels for  _ me _ .” Hailey said, stopping. She turned to face the wall of comforters, her eyes raking over them. 

Kim sighed quietly, moving to stand next to her. “Okay. Why do you need a new comforter?” 

“Because-” Hailed huffed, turning to face her. “Mine is old and has flowers on it.” 

“I like it,” Kim said, “And it’s got that ice cream stain on the inside from when you threw the lid at the TV, I cherish that memory.” She teased, touching a hand to her chest. 

Hailey sighed, “Yeah, I like it too, it’s comfy-”

“Then why buy a new one?” Kim asked. 

“Cause-” Hailey started, feeling her cheeks heat up. “Cause it’s old and stained and has flowers on it and it’s comfy. I just want a new comforter.” She rushed out.

Kim watched her cautiously, “Then let’s get you a new one.” 

They eventually decided on a light gray one, and then walked further down the aisle to grab a set of sleek white sheets (that were just as bland as the comforter, Kim might add). The next isle they found themselves on was bathroom decorations. Hailey headed straight for the shower curtains. She held one up that was a similar color to the comforter they just grabbed, “This is nice.” She said.

“Yeah, for something you would find in a hospital.” Kim teased, she pointed to a lilac colored one, “This is pretty and it matches your hand towels.” 

Hailey picked up a navy one, “I’m getting new hand towels.” She said absently.

“Hailey? What is going on? You got those like a month ago and you talked about how pretty they were for a week.” Kim asked, exasperated. She held up the light purple curtain again, “And this is your favorite color.”

“Yeah, it is.” Hailey snapped, catching Kim off guard. “But it’s not just me anymore.” 

Kim’s face softened immediately, she took a step forward towards her friend, very aware of how hard she was breathing. “Hailey, do you really think Jay cares what color your shower curtain is?” She asked. 

Hailey let out a heavy sigh, tears welling up in her eyes. “Yes...no...I don’t know.” She ran her hands over her face. “Last night I read the letter he sent me right before, before he went missing, I had completely forgotten about it. But, he was going on and on about getting a place together and he couldn’t wait to come home to  _ our home. _ ” She sniffled, “And I just, my place is  _ my _ place and I don’t want him to come home and think that I just totally forgot about him and all our plans-”

Kim cut her off with a tight hug, she didn’t think having a breakdown in the middle of target was what she needed right now. Hailey let a few tears fall down her cheeks, trying to compose herself. Kim pulled away slowly, “So, you are obsessively shopping for  _ your  _ shared apartment without him?” Hailey stifled a laugh and so did Kim, “I love you, but you should do this with him.” 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Hailey said. Kim squeezed her shoulder, grabbing the (ugly) grey comforter out of the buggy and putting it back. They walked down the rest of the aisle, Hailey stopping at the end. “I still want to get the things to make his favorite meals.” She said sheepishly. 

Kim nodded, “Yeah, of course.” They veered in that direction. “But I want wine.” Hailey laughed, nodding as they kept walking. 

Suddenly Kim gasped, grabbing Hailey’s attention. “What?”

“Since you’re making people’s favorites...you wanna make me your famous cheesecake bars?” 

Hailey grinned at her, shaking her head, “You are terrible.” 

“Come on Hailey, I’ve heard they help with fertility.” Kim said. Hailey kept walking, laughing as she went. Kim stayed in step next to her, the two best friends happily heading towards the liquor aisle. 

A few hours later Kim was walking in her front door, exhausted. For someone who hates shopping, Hailey was in it to win it today. “Hey.” Kim called out, thinking that her husband would hear her from wherever he was. 

“Hey baby.” Adam said, emerging from their bedroom. He grabbed her by the hips, pulling her away from where she was setting things on the counter. He connected their lips, pinning her between him and the kitchen island. “You have fun?” 

Kim nodded, leaning in to kiss him again. “Lot’s…” She pulled away eventually, turning to rummage through the bags. “I had to talk Hailey off the ledge earlier, she’s a nervous wreck about Jay.” She said, pulling out the new set of hand towels she bought. 

“I can imagine,” Adam said, settling in a bar stool, “Honestly I am too.” Kim stopped what she was doing, moving to stand in front of him. Adam continued, “I just keep thinking about it, if he was hurt badly or missing a limb, they would tell us right? How do we know that  _ our _ Jay is coming home?” 

Kim took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him, “We don’t.” She pulled away, cupping his cheek. “But that’s okay, cause he’s Jay, no matter what he’s going to fight like hell for what he wants. And I can’t imagine that he wants anything more than his life back.” 

Adam nodded, kissing her gently. Kim felt her heart beat a little faster, even after 10 years he still made her feel like a love sick teenager. She turned, grabbing the towels off the counter and heading for their half bath. Adam watched her walk away with a pout on his face, “I was kind of in the middle of someth-”

“Ah!” Kim screamed from inside the bathroom.

Adam jumped up, running down the hall. “Kim? What’s wrong?” He stopped in tracks when he saw what was right in front of him. There was red writing on the mirror that read “Talk...and you die,” with a circle with an X through right underneath, it was currently covering Kim’s face. “What the hell?” Adam gasped. 

Kim turned to him, eyes full of tears. She had been waiting for this moment for 10 years, but she hoped it never came. They were back to playing games again, but there was a pit in the bottom of her stomach that was telling her it was never really over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week I have treated my writer's block by writing a different story. (RIP Complications) We’re getting into the good stuff guys! Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s chapter 1! I am SO excited to write this story and I have big, big plans for it! I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think! Thanks for reading <3


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